Eavesdropping in the Right-Wing Diner

A friend of mine sent me this story. He is a formerly military with a few tours in Afghanistan. He writes, “I had more fun eavesdropping in the Right-Wing Diner.

Two patriot types were in thick discussion over their freedom toast. One who we’ll call “A” had an ill-concealed pistol riding up under his jacket. The other “B” wore a camo baseball cap emblazoned with the 3 percenter logo. ( Roman numeral three surrounded by thirteen stars in a circle) . In case you’re not up to speed on your wingnut heraldry, this represents the supposed three percent of the Colonists who opposed the British during the Revolutionary war. They promise similar resistance to any government attempt to curtail gun ownership.  The hat had the Greek “come and take them” on the back of it, presumably in case Uncle Sam employs a bunch of Greeks to round up everyone’s muskets. The topic of discussion was The Wall.

A:  “I don’t see why we’re building the wall here. In Mexico is where it belongs, on their side.

B: It’s their problem. If it gets built there, though, it’s a bunch of f-ing Mexicans that’ll get paid to build it. And they ain’t gonna build it right. Not like we would.

A. Twenty feet tall.

B: Thirty

A: Thirty feet tall?

B: If it’s an inch

A: Think that’ll be enough?

B: How are you going to cross a desert and then climb a thirty foot wall?

A: A rope. Or a ladder.

B: you’re going to carry a damned extension ladder through the desert where it’s 110 in the shade.

A. Not all the border’s in the middle of the desert.

B.  Well, yeah. But still.

A. You could carry it in little sections

B. A bunch of little sections of ladder isn’t much of a ladder.

A. Could be. Take about 60 Mexicans. Give each of them a kee-klamp tee junction and 18” of pipe. That’s just a few pounds each. Send them out through the desert to the wall. All they need is Allen wrenches, and they’ll have a 20 rung ladder going up 30 feet. It’s just got to hold the weight of one Mexican at a time, plus the weight of the ladder. Have the first one up carry a rope and tie that off to the top of the ladder. Then they just rope down. And the ladder’s there for the next group.

B. Bullshit.

A. Or they could just tunnel underneath.

B. Oh, there’s a solution to that.

A. How are you going to stop them from digging?

B. Landmines.

A. Landmines?

B. All along 2500 miles. A hell of a lot cheaper than thousands of miles of wall. A few Mexicans die, rest will get the picture.

A. And how do you keep them from getting together and just stampeding a bunch of livestock in one place over and over to clear out the landmines? Then ladder up over or tunnel beneath.

B. Machine guns and razor wire.

A. Razor wire.

B. Yup. Put a bunch of patriots or soldiers on top of the wall  for basic training. Have them shoot anything coming out of that desert.

A. So basically it’s like the Berlin Wall.

B. Yeah, I guess.

A. Wasn’t that up for the opposite reason? They weren’t trying to keep Mexicans out. They were trying to keep communists in.

B. Yes. But ours is for freedom.

A. Can’t argue with that.”